Recently, I've felt really distant from people. I try to act.. happy, and collected, but inside, its a freaking mess. I can't pull myself together anymore. I don't draw that much anymore. And I don't talk to all my friends as much unless I absolutely HAVE to. There's something wrong here, and I just... can't place what it is.

I really need a hug right now, and I know damn well that none of my friends are... Good enough to me to even think about trying to console me at all. And if I offend anyone, I'm sorry, but I'm really feeling like I should give up. And of course, thats not the right thing to do, and everyone will tell me that.

I feel so.. ugly, so useless. I have no idea why. But every now and then I get like this, and I just.. really can't stand it when it happens. Most of the time, I trudge through it, but this time feels so much different. My birthday is on Saturday, I don't know what the hell I'm doing for that, and only one of my friends knows for sure she'll be able to stop by, and I'm just a serious mess. I've fallen behind in school, and to be honest.. I really don't give a fuck right now.

I know thats a horrible thing to say, but... I just don't. All my teachers hate me, and constantly yell at me for violating the dress code when all i wear is ONE. FUCKIN. GLOVE. And you wanna know WHY they yell at me? They said that they never know if I start cutting, so they need to see my wrists. I could just as easily cover it with my sleeves if I did that. Its so fucking stupid.
And you know what really sucks? The person who I really care about most right now, doesn't even see that I'm practically dying inside. I wish he'd stop acting like a CHILD and finally face whats right INFRONT of the bastard.

Anyway, I'm going to get off this topic because... I'm getting really pissed.

Thanks for listening.